I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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