it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
