The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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