Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
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