Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize