Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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