i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
