her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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