I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
