I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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