He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
