Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
