Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
