Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize