He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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