totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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