i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
