Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
