my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
