I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
