Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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