i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
