I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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