Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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