you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
