I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
