How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
