wake up i wanna do it froggy style
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
