i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
