Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want her autograph on my taint
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
