I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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