and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
