Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
