i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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