things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
