i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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