Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
