I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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