So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Randomize