Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
