my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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