I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
