I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
