Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
