i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
