i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
