Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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