I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
