Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize