a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
