Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
