I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
