Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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