if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
