...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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