she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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