i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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