it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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