I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You ate ashes out of my bong
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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