"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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