Umm I'm too high to move.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
