Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I think your dad took our porno
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We need a shit load of segways right now
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
