How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
