Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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