guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He? As in you personified your dick?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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