Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
