ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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