have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
