the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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