i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
