Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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