he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
