You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
