Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
