I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
