R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
