i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
