At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
